Avoid diary owing to total absence of remarkable events in life, then recall that such is point of said diary.

Oversleep. Frantically force-fed Nipper with porridge, let dogs out, scrape hair in bun, drag Nipper to school on scooter, race back to house, shove anything work related in bag, defrost car and manage to leave house on time, only to pull into station car park to see train smugly pulling away from platform in direction of work.

Await next train in low spirits. Make up face with contents of handbag (elderly lip balm, bronzer sample as eyeshadow).

Vow to achieve, if nothing else this day, completion of Hellish Spreadsheet. Fail, on every conceivable level.

Leave work at 4. H must attends phonic workshop at school. Agree that I will drive home, collect N, drive to Diet Saleswomen, get weighed, buy diet products, bring N home. Do so. Discover phonics workshop has been cancelled and H has gone to bed for nap. Call in at M&S and purchase cheese. N has meltdown over Paddington advent calendar. Add bottle of red wine to basket.

H goes to play squash. Open draft of novel with intent of completing difficult scene. Open internet explorer and read chats on Mumsnet. Feel guilty, and conduct quiz of US states instead. Fail.

Contact sister in law. Arrange visit this forthcoming weekend. Contemplate tasks to be achieved in interim period. Open Facebook.